So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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