I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
