I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
