We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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