i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
