Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
