I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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