I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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