omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
