____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize