We're like a lot better than the average bears
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
