There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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