nutella sex= disaster
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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