I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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