Walk of Shame. In a state park.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize