did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
