the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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