fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
