the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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