he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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