I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
