i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
