everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
