Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
