if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
