My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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