i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
