I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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