well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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