That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
