i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there was a trapeze. enough said
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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