Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ketchup is God's man juice
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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