I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He passed out mid-signature
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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