bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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