R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
