He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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