What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
