hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
