We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
