Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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