we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
