I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
