I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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