I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
