I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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