so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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