I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
