Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
