I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
