I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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