hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize