Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
