My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
