There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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