i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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