Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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