apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
