I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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