I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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