i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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