Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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