she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
