there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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