Barsexuality is the new black.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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