On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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