exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
