where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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