Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
