I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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