sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
