i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
