You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
