so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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