I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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