my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
