I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
