Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we have pet lesbian snakes
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
