Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize