I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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