barbara walters just said penis...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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