Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
