____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
