toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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