he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize