OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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