I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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