The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
