I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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