The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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