peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
