I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
