you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
