I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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