Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize