You can't motorboat a personality
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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