I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
