in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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