I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize