I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
