you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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