I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
